Workplace Laughs

Ooops
A secretary was leaving the office one Friday evening when she encountered Mr. Smith, the Human Resources manager, standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said Mr. Smith, "this is important, and my secretary has already left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the secreatry. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said Mr. Smith as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Graduates
A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

A graduate with a Law degree asks, "Who gave it a permission to work?"

A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries with that?"


On A Committee (Harry Chapman)
Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.

Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise.

Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.

When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.

Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular - it's what everyone is waiting for.

If....
If a train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?

EEO
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."

Black employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."

They all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."

Point to ponder
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before

The suggestion box
A big company offered $50 for each money-saving idea submitted by its employees. First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to $25

Management
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles!

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.