The blog will be posted a little late tomorrow as I have to go to a meeting - with a government department.It's a routine and regular meeting that achieves absolutely nothing except to give their personnel exercise by scrambling around looking for my file.
"Jane had it last".
"Yeah, but then John wanted it and he sent Graham down to fetch it, that's the last time I saw it".
'I'll phone John and ask him what he's done with it".
"John's not in today, he's on stress leave".
When the file finally arrives, I am then greeted by a 15 year old in blue shirt and yellow tie. He thinks he looks professional but to me he gives the same sort of impression as a little girl trying on her mums high heels.
"Hello Mr Hitchen" he says briskly, his hand outstretched like the arm of an old fashioned railway signal. "Nice to touch base with you".
As soon as he says that, I start to count. How many buzzwords and phrases can he use in the time available? Straight out of Uni with an Honours Degree in "Classical Australian Wanabee," I could swear blind that he could hold an entire conversation without actually saying anything.
He waffles on 16 to the dozen, crossing and uncrossing his legs, leaning back, leaning forward, just like he's seen on the telly. Except on television the characters normally achieve something. In two years they have done nothing for me and I have done nothing for them. At least *I" achieve the outcome I want. When he's finished talking, then the fun begins. I start to talk.
Normally I am fairly reserved but the best way to get the result I want, i.e for them to bugger off and leave me to run a business, is to run him over like an out of control steam roller.
The girl who sits behind him knows exactly what I am doing, and while he is sitting there wiping his forehead and saying, "yes, yes, of course, yes, that's very true", she's in agony trying not to laugh.
Sometimes he says "yes, yes, of course" to words or concepts that don't actually exist! I have tried it and as long as I end a word in "ise" he will agree with what ever I am saying.
Meeting over, we shake hands and leave things exactly as they always have been.
That's the thing about using buzzwords and yuppie phrases. If you are going to use them, you have to walk the talk!
Wherever you may be - be safe
