There are just some people who quite easily fit into the categories of "Grade A Idiot" and "Grade A Inconsiderate Little Bastard".Such a person is my new neighbour in the apartment below mine.
Our block of apartments is set in gardens and attracts a lot of wildlife - some pleasant and welcome, some that can well and truly piss off. I have had a possum who sat so regularly on my balcony that I nicknamed him "Poppy The Popeyed Possum" a regular collection of exotic birds that land quite naturally on the balcony railing, and sugar gliders. Unfortunately, because there is so much bushland around here, rats have also been a problem.
Recently I noticed a new phenomenon - pigeons. Loads of the buggers. I discovered that the guy downstairs had been throwing out slices of bread and eggs to attract "the pretty birds". In my own subtle way I suggested that he may wish to curtail that practice, citing examples of unwelcome visitors as a "persuader". I did think of another persuader but he's built like a brick outhouse.
Today I happened to be looking over my balcony, enjoying the cold breeze after yesterdays scorching 114 degree heat. I discovered that Bird Brain had stopped distributing bread and erected a feeding trough that looks like it had been donated by the United Nations World Food Fund.
What you see is only part of the elaborate construction. There were also two huge buckets and two large open bags of food, including grain and eggshells.
I changed from my Target shorts into my old "Wild Ones" Levis, and a pair of shoes with a heel to make me look taller. I was going to take my dentures out to make me look tougher, but I tend to lose track of where my tongue is when I do that and it spoils the image somewhat.
In the end I was the sole of diplomacy - Mel stop laughing will you! - and gently explained that I was far from happy with his latest addition. I also listed some council regulations that may or may not exist, thereby persuading him that co-operation would be in his best interest. People who cross me usually realise that is the best course of action, as my previous and now out of business, building manager can verify.
My roadmap to peace seems to have worked, because within 30 minutes it had all been removed.
All I have to do now is control my urge to don a Mary Poppins hat and start singing "Feed the birds, tuppence a bag".
Wherever you may be - be safe!
