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Although I live in a small suburb that likes to pride itself on having a "village atmosphere" (village mentality is closer to the truth) we do have some interesting characters. If Lou Reed ever paid a visit I'm sure he could knock out a new CD with no trouble at all.
Take "Baby Jane" for instance. She must be about seventy and wears little girl dresses - usually short, yellow frilly ones. I am not very good at describing dresses and my knowledge of technical details is very limited - but they are the sort that are "tiered" and "flare out" as they go lower down. Her shoes look as though they are left over props from a Judy Garland movie. Her long blonde hair is adorned with silver tinsel or topped off with large brightly coloured floppy hats.
She is very well spoken and well liked. A few people make comments but that's human nature. The ones who do comment are mostly women - the sort of elderly women that if you happened to be in the same room with, you would hate to be the first to leave.
Then there is the "Likely Lad." He is in his seventies but not as far as he is concerned. Dressed in tight blue jeans, a Calvin Klein denim shirt and a John Lennon cap, he will get on the bus with two elderly female companions, offer the driver the fare for all three and say, "I'm paying for these two young chicks". He must have said it a dozen times but it never fails to evoke giggles from the two females who are invariably dressed up like Sadie The Cleaning Lady going to a dance at the Town Hall.
They sit in seats facing each other, but rather than continuing his not-too-smooth chat up lines, he constantly gets up to look at the bus in front. For some reason he has to know the number of the bus, and is quite concerned if they appear to be out of "time-table order". As all the buses at that time of day are all going in the same direction, I have yet to work out his obsession with what the other buses are doing.
We also have characters who are more sinister than interesting. "The Stalker" for instance. Large, overweigh and extremely unkempt, he will make a bee-line for any female sitting on her own. Wether it be a bench in the local shopping area, or on a bus - he will head straight towards them and strike up a conversation. The women know him now and most will tell him "fuck off" or "go away" before he has chance to sit down or say anything.
The "Cigarette Lady" is another who springs to mind. She and her husband took over the local tobacconist just over two years ago. She can not speak a word of English, but many shop assistants who were born here give that impression too.
Each day I buy my cigarettes from her - always the same brand. Not once has she gone straight to the packet. I ask for "Superking Reds" and she hovers around the "Greens". I say "No, just to the left" and she moves her hand to the right. Then she puts her hand on a packet in the rack above. After about four attempts, she gives a satisfied smile and I give a big sigh of relief.
What I like about her though is that she tries to be friendly. She always greets me with a smile, and nods her head vigorously with a smile. I can't help liking her but if I am in a hurry, I get my coffin-nails from the supermarket - despite the higher cost!
Then of course - there is me!
Wherever you may be - be safe