Death has no "undo" option

I am not an expert on teenagers; I don't have a degree in this, that or the other to demonstrate my knowledge of how a teenage mind works - especially in the world we live in today.

My knowledge is limited to having been a teenager myself, my former fiance's daughter and my time helping out at a homeless men's centre. Sometimes the young people who ended up at the centre would confide in me. I don't know if I ever gave right answers, I don't know if I ever gave wrong answers. Only they can tell you that.

Let me tell you about Brian. Brian was 19 and completely helpless - there was hardly a thing he could do for himself. One of my responsibilities was to make sure he did what he was supposed to - such as washing and cleaning his teeth.

One day Brian told me he had been thinking. He really wanted to see his mum. He hadn't seen her since he was 14 and wanted visit her or at least talk to her on the phone. "I don't want to live with her - that wouldn't be fair on her" he told me, "I just want to say hello".

I didn't ask him why - it was what he wanted. The decision he made would have been hard enough for him as it was. Whatever his reasons were, he didn't have to explain himself to me.

"Can you phone her for me please Mike? Tell her I want to say hello" he asked.

I didn't think it was a great idea for me to phone, however, I knew that if I didn't agree Brian would never do it himself.

I went to an office, dialled the number he gave me and his mum answered. I explained where I was from and that Brian had asked me to phone. "He would like to talk to you." I told her.

Without missing a beat, she gave me her answer.

"That would be nice sometime. But I can't talk now, I'm in a hurry to get off to bingo" She thanked me for calling and hung up.

I didn't have to tell Brian what happened. He had been standing in the doorway of the small office watching.

"Thanks for trying mate" he said, the shuffled off.

Ten days later, the guys at the centre gathered at a local church to say goodbye to Brian. He had taken an overdose.

His mum was there and we talked a little. I have no idea what may have happened between them and it would have been unfair of me to pass judgement - either then or now.

I do know though, that when you are a kid, it can be difficult to sit down with a parent and tell them your problems. Sometimes talking is left too late. It shouldn't be the case, but it's the reality. Equally, It can be difficult for parents to listen to what their children have to say.

When you are young there is always the thought - rightly or wrongly - that parents will be dismissive of your concerns. "Oh, that's normal for your age dear - it will pass" or the dreaded, "You are too young to worry about such things. You should worry more about school." Then of course there is the fear of censure, especially if the problem relates to issues such as sex, drink or drugs.

I used to bottle things up inside me when I was 16 - and for many years past that age. Silence led to many problems - problems that could have been avoided if I hadn't underestimated my parents. I used to think the same way as described above. I bet many kids reading that would say, "Yep - that's spot on".

No - it isn't always spot on. You would be surprised. It's great to be able to talk to your friends - and if you have a problem, you need their help and support. But sometimes you need more - and parents are in a position to be able to provide the sort of help that your friends can not.

Maybe you are a young person and reading this. Perhaps there is something going on in your life and maybe you've thought about talking to your parents but think they wont listen. You've got to be in it to win it - if you don't try, you will never know. Do you really have a lot to lose? Because when you need help, keeping quiet can cost you a hell of a lot more.

There are also other avenues of help. People who listen and are experienced. People who wont pass judgement. People who are there to help. Youth lines, Crisis Lines, Lifeline etc. Perhaps you have negative perceptions of such services - preconceived ideas of the sort of people who work in such areas and the advice they will give. I know I used to - and I was wrong. Luckily though, I wasn't literally dead wrong.

So why am I rambling on about this tonight? A tragic news story made me think of Brian, and that started a runaway train of thought.

Yesterday the bodies of friends Steph and Jodie, both 16, were discovered in the Dandenong Ranges National Park, east of Melbourne. According to the Daily Telegraph and other media, both were found hanged from tree branches in an apparent suicide pact.

Fairfax press reports "The two girls were part of the 'emo' subculture, named after a type of music characterised by an emotional and confessional tone. Emo fans are classified as introverted, sensitive, moody and alienated, and are derided by other subcultures for self-pitying poetry commonly posted on the MySpace website.

Jodie had a MySpace profile titled 'let Steph and me b free'. An image of a glass full of absinthe and the words 'let us blow your mind' were among simple decorations on the page.

The last message she posted on the site was dedicated to her boyfriend, Allan. 'I luv you sooo soo much Allan, Miss u heaps and heaps xoxoxo I will always remember u'"

The mum of one of the girls posted a message on a website. Part of it reads, "Stephanie, why didn't you tell me you were so upset? Why didn't you just come home?...There is nothing that couldn't have been sorted out. You were my only child and can never be replaced. Bye bye my little girl."

For many years, if someone had told me, "there is nothing that couldn't have been sorted out" I would have said, "yeah right. You wouldn't understand".

Again I was wrong. Not everything is easy to sort out, but if people are willing to try and perhaps put aside preconceived ideas or notions - it can be done.

If you want to dance, someone has to take the first step.

Australian help lines
blue.org.au
Suicide Helpline Victoria 1300 651 251
Lifeline 131 114