I'll swap you 83 Sri Lankan and 8 Burmese for 200 Cubans

Australia's relationship with the United States has for a long time been rather bizarre and recently there has been a new twist to this relationship. Australia and the United States have signed an agreement under which "boat-people" seeking asylum in Australia would be sent to the US.

In return Australia would reciprocate by accepting Cuban asylum-seekers held at the US base at Guantanamo Bay - who no doubt will be sent to Australia from Guantanamo, a lot quicker than our own David Hicks.

Prime Minister John Howard said potential illegal immigrants to Australia would be deterred by the threat of being sent to America under the new "Atlantic Solution".The first asylum-seekers likely to be swapped for resettlement in the US are 83 Sri Lankan and eight Burmese people having their claims for refugee status processed on the island of Nauru.

Deterred by the threat of being sent to America? What if asylum seekers from the Asia-Pacific region actually want to go to the US? Under the terms of this agreement they are virtually guaranteed a Green Card.

I had a lot of trouble trying to get in to the US to live - but now I have a plan!

I will relinquish my citizenship, move to Sri Lanka, become a citizen of that beautiful country, then seek political asylum in Australia, who will then swap me for an eighty year old Cuban jazz musician. Thanks to John Howard, it will be Wal-Mart, broadband and air-conditioning here I come!

Of course the US will do quite nicely out of this, especially with the chaos that will inevitably ensue when Castro kicks off his mortal coil. Cuban refugees fleeing political chaos? No problem, just send them to our good friends and allies, the United States of Australia - the land that never says "No".

Except of course to asylum-seekers and refugees - including those from countries we helped turn into a living hell.