Mummy it's cold outside

I am not a great believer in mothers or fathers warming the rears of the children they chose to bring in to this world, but when it comes to being rude to their mothers, some times it may be warranted. Even if the obnoxious little brat is in her mid thirties!

Yesterday I had a meeting in the nearby suburb of Chatswood and during the course of the morning the weather changed from mild to cool. We are talking Sydney here - and when I say cool, I mean around 69-70 degrees Fahrenheit - not exactly the sort of weather that would freeze the balls off a brass monkey, (and no, it doesn't mean what many may think it means!).

I don't drive, never have, never will, so I walk, use cabs or take advantage of public transport. Sometimes you only have to look at a person to gain a fair idea of what a person is like and the smartly dressed woman who sat next to me on the bus yesterday had, "Up herself little madam" written all over her face in lights that would make Times Square jealous.

She pulled out her mobile phone, pressed away, and started tapping her fingers on her knee in impatience.

"Mum it's me. What took you so long to answer? Well, don't worry about that now, I'm on the bus. Be at the bus stop when I get off."

How about throwing in a "could you?" or even a "Please".

"It's cold and I came out without my jacket, so make sure you're there with it. I will be there in less than five minutes. Why can't you? What phone call? You don't have to wait for a call, they can leave a message on the answering machine. That's not my problem, it's time you learned how to use it. This is more important."

I should mention that anyone using that route normally lives within three to five minutes easy stroll from a bus stop - her exposure to the "harsh" elements would be rather limited.

Her mum it seemed decided to make a stand.

"Oh. I see. No don't worry. Don't put yourself out on my account, I'll manage. I don't mind catching a cold and taking time off work so that you can wait for a call."

She hung up and audibly said, "bitch."

By this time quite a few passengers, (young and old) were shaking their heads and casting rather unflattering glances in her direction. People who have known me for a while might find this hard to believe, but I did manage to keep my mouth shut.

A few stops later, Little Miss Up Herself disembarked and stood on the footpath looking up and down the street. She obviously believed mum would be there waiting with a nice warm jacket for her little princess. I think 90% of the bus were hoping mum would be there with a size ten slipper - especially the woman sitting in front of me who turned round and said, "I know what I'd do if I were her mum - big as she is."

However, I was consoled by the thought that there would be one thing worse than being her mother.

Being her bloody husband.

Note to The Real Mother Hen - With my luck she would turn out to be the biker!