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Yesterday I introduced a range of products available for purchase from this blog. Today, I am proud to launch another, "must have" product. "The Mike H Guide To Handling Mums."

Currently, most of this book is intended for boys. Although I once posed as a 14 year old girl in order to snare a pastor from West Virginia, I have no real experience of being a girl. I don't know how they think. Actually, I haven't yet figured out how their mums and grandmums think either!

Just to whet your appetite here are a few examples.

When your mum sits down with you and says, "Dear, it's time you and I talked about the facts of life," just humour her. Remember, it is you who is supposed to say, "Wow - I didn't know that," not your mum.

If your mum tells you, "Dear, I don't think she's the right girl for you" try to resist the temptation to reply, "In that case, I'm having a hell of a good time with the wrong one!"

You may think that hiding one of "those" magazines under the mattress is a good idea - it's not. Neither is undoing the cover underneath the bed and slipping them inside.

Mums do not always have a sense of humour, so when she calls out, "Come back here right now" do not turn round and say, "My name is Mike, not 'right now'." Keep in mind you are not Captain Kirk, and Scotty wont beam you up just in the nick of time.

Mums can't make up their minds. One moment she will tell you to act your age, the next she will tell you to grow up.

Be careful about being a "snitch" A friend of mine once told his mum, "I'm going to tell my dad what you said". She replied "Good. When you find out who he is, let me know".

Think ahead. Avoid buying slippers for Mothers Day. They can be used as Weapons of Mass Discomfort.

There are three things in life you can not avoid. Death, taxes, and school shoes.

Mums are very busy people and so they sometimes get confused. Be kind and don't laugh when she tells you, "Don't look at me in
that tone of voice".

If you buy this book and your mum finds it - for Pete's sake don't tell her where you got it from!