Ten things I learned about school in "my day"

1. Girls were different to boys. Girls actually liked putting their hand up to answer questions. Boys don't like answering questions - especially when the girls who liked answering questions, grow up and start asking them - especially if they are about dresses.

2. If I offered to carry a girl's books home from school and she accepted with a big smile, it meant she only had one thing on her mind - me carrying her books home from school.

3. Even if meant as a compliment, telling a 16 year old girl she looked like her mother, wasn't my most successful chat up line. Have you ever seen a teenage girl roll her eyes? Must be the most expressive communication tool I have encountered.

4. Teachers didn't like hard questions. I once came across the term "Micronesia" in a National Geographic magazine, (schoolboys liked National Geographic, because we got to see topless "natives"). It was the first time I had seen the term, so I asked the Geography teacher where Micronesia was. He obviously didn't know and responded, "Are you trying to be a comedian boy?"

5. Teachers didn't have a sense of humour. When I replied "No. Are you trying to be a Geography teacher Sir?" he didn't see the funny side.

6. Girls don't like being tied to their chairs. You have to wait until they grow up before they do.

7. You learned more behind the back of the bicycle sheds than in a classroom. Suitable for a whole range of educational activities.

8. If you threw ink pellets, (rolled up scraps of blotting paper dipped in ink) at the girl in front of you, it was best to check if her brother was bigger than you.

9. It didn't matter what class I was in, or which school, according to 50% of teachers it was always, "the worst class I have ever taught".

10. Teachers asked stupid questions. Questions such as, "Hitchen, why isn't your homework book on your desk?" After 20 years teaching, you would have thought they were clever enough to work that one out by themselves.