The Grubs: "The Road to Malawi starring Kate and Gerry

Gerry - can I ask you a question?

How long will it be before you and Kate go to Malawi to adopt a baby?

Think of the publicity - think of the photo opportunities. St Gerry of Africa, traipsing through the hot African sun like a poor mans Stewart Granger. Your devoted doorma...I mean wife, handing you a silk handkerchief to wipe the dripping sweat from your manly brow.

Your advisors tell you, "Smile at the bloody thing Gerry" as you gently pick up a small child. You smile and the child starts crying. You turn to the village elder and ask,

'What else have you got"?

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May I ask another question Gerry?

You have fully embraced the concept of board room meetings with organisations involved in combating child exploitation. You will no doubt enjoy the cocktail circuit so beloved by such Armani suited ambassadors.

However, do you intend visiting any of the refuges and rehabilitation centres set up for such children? Have you donated anything out of YOUR OWN pocket during your meetings? Perhaps you didn't have your wallet with you.

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On second thoughts, perhaps Malawi is not such a good idea. After all Gerry has trouble with names starting with "M". Daft prat would probably end up in Malta instead.

The one place he hasn't visited as a matter of urgency - despite all the reported sightings.