Madeleine McCann: Vacancies - BBC. Mother required for radio program. No skill expected

The BBC has a vacancy for a mother to take part in a radio interview to promote Mothers Day.

* Proven track record in responsible parenting is undesirable

* Must be prepared to leave three toddlers alone every night whilst on holiday

* The successful applicant must be able to ensure that unsupervised two year old children, sleep soundly even through a 8.8 magnitude earthquake

* Those who have had a child go missing and then refused to cooperate with investigating police, will be given preference over those who have physically searched for a missing child till they almost dropped from exhaustion

* Must prefer jogging and collecting friends from airports to searching for their missing child

* Experience in neglecting the legal and moral obligation to safeguard the welfare and wellbeing of their children, is essential

* Experienced in fund raising

* Proven track record in employing those later indicted overseas on charges of alleged money laundering

* The successful candidate must have the ability and desire to appoint the best lawyers and PR consultants to protect themselves and their friends, and the worst, most inexperienced private investigators to find the daughter they chose not to leave in the protective care of any responsible adult - not even family or friends.

* Successful candidate must be a white middle class professional, well connected and be able to protect their reputations by feeding the right media stories, to the right people, at the right time. Please note, if you are working class, live on a council estate, have no influential contacts and fit any of the other requirements listed above, you can still apply to appear on our program on 'Deadbeat Parents' after which we will report you to social services.

The BBC is an equal opportunity employer - though it must be remembered that in true BBC tradition, some are more equal than others

Published by i On Global Trends - Mike Hitchen Online - news, opinion, analysis
See also Sydney Irresistible and for personal comment, Mike Hitchen Unleashed
Putting principles before profits